Monday, October 26, 2009

Binge drinking and horror movies.

Recently I’ve realized that I have a love hate relationship with a certain type of horror movie. Any movie that deals with possession and demons. I liken my relationship with this genre of film to my relationship with binge drinking. Its fun during the experience, but at the end of the night I never sleep well.



During these movies I’m at the edge of my seat, I enjoy every jump and appreciate the filmmaker’s ability to induce that sense of unease that I so rarely get in my real life. Much like drinking, I always having fun, lots of, but when the show/party is over its time to go home. Then after both I always find myself lying in my bed unable to fall asleep till 3-4 AM. The next morning I always wake up and say I’ll never do that again, but somehow a few months later there I am at 3 in the morning unable to sleep. (which coincidentally is the witching hour)



Thankfully I don't drink to this point very often anymore. I've mostly learned my lesson on that front, but I can't say the same for horror movies. Now I should be clear here, I love a lot of horror films. Monster movies being my favorite. This is mostly because most horror movies are not designed to truly scare you. Monster movies are usually more thriller than scary. They startle you at best. There is a monster out in the dark trying to hunt the hero down and eat him/her, but it’s very real physical presence. All of the characters have a fighting chance to beat back the beast, and they almost always do. The strong / smart survive. JAWS, ALIENS, THE DECENT, any zombie, or any serial killer movie are all examples of monster movies. These movies illicit a response because we are not so much scared of the beast but worried for our heroes. It’s not really fear, but tension. I love these movies because they delve into that deep part of our psyche tapping into that fight or flight survival instinct.



In recent years gore movies have been big. They show us disturbing images in order to make you nauseous. They are not so much scary as they are disturbing. A few examples: SAW, HOSTEL, SILENT HILL…Personally I find this type of horror movie cheap. These movies often mask their story flaws and inability to manifest tension in an audience by showing them images that will act as a short cut to the effect. Frankly, I mostly avoid these movies. If I wanted to be grossed out I would just go to www.gross.com (don’t go here, seriously), and see some gruesome images and be done with it. These movies have been aptly nicknamed torture porn. Because like real porn these movies are a quick easy way to get your fix then move on, but are never really all that fulfilling. Unless of course its really high quality porn. PIRATES. Cheap internet porn (5 min) VS good sex (1 hour). Good horror movie (90 minutes) VS image of cutting someone’s optic nerve with a scissors (2 seconds).



Lastly there are the movies that keep me up at night. Demons / exorcism movies. These movies scare the bejezus out of me. They terrify me in the movie theater and almost always linger with me for a few days. I recently watched PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, actually I watched it about 6 hours ago, and still haven’t been able to fall asleep yet. Which is why I’m writing this at 4:30 in the morning. Anyway...I watched this movie and here I am unable to fall asleep, cursing myself for going to see yet another possession movie. To be fair though I didn’t know it was a possession movie till about half way through. Point is this movie and all others like it usually leave me very unsettled. A few other examples of movies that I won’t watch anymore. PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, THE RING, THE EXORCIST, THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE, see a trend here????




It wasn’t until recently that I realized why these movies scare the shit out of me. I’m a logical person, and I tend to think that most intelligent beings rational beings. All actions are taken with purpose wither it be subconscious or otherwise. So most malicious actions that people take in life are usually done to fulfill some personal need or gain. I’m hurting you so I can get money. So I can get revenge. So I can take power. So I can punish. There are real world exceptions to this, (malice for pleasure), but they are few and far between. Their actions are rarely if ever random, and even if you are their target there is almost always some resource you can take to save yourself. The strong/smart still survive. But things are different when dealing with the devil.



Movies that deal with demonic possession typically have a protagonist who has done nothing to stand out from the crowd, but still is chosen. Chosen to be haunted, disturbed, taunted for amusement, and ultimately killed in some horrific manner. The demon wants nothing but to cause pain and suffering. There can be no negotiation. There can be no discussion. It takes without asking and reviles in others anguish. These movies come into your home, make no place safe, and they leave you no quiet assurances that you’ll make it through this. Because in the stories no one ever does.


Indiscriminate, random, unavoidable, non-negotiable, acts of malice... Pure evil. This is what scares me. This is what keeps me up at night. This is what makes me wish I just stayed home and watched stupid feel good comedy. Maybe next time I'll just spend my 15 bucks on a six pack and stay home. (probably not)

Monday, September 14, 2009

Informational Apathy


This last year’s presidential election had the highest voter turnout in over a quarter century, and was the best example of democracy in action that this country has seen in a long time. This was mostly due to this last election’s hot button issues fanning the political flame. While the turn out for this election was amazing and a great first step towards an effective democracy we have run into a different hurdle. Over the last 8 years Americans have become more and more susceptible to sensationalism. We have become lazy and instead of taking the time to do the research to make an informed decision. We are allowing a few media outlets to make the decision for us. This is true of both the left and the right. Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, and Rush Limbaugh revolution are just as bad as their Rachel Maddow / Keith Olbermann counter parts. The problem is all these people are all sensationalist whose chief job is not to inform the public, but to make money by entertaining. This is unfortunate because Americans would rather take the advice of one of these self described patriots/protectors than go and do the research themselves. Consequently our public is becoming more and more polarized and uninformed. I find that this stems from a single issue. Our country suffers from a lack of leaders. No one wants to invest the time or take the risk associated with having an informed opinion because then you are culpable. If your opinion leads to rune you are to blame. BUT if you were just following someone else advice you have deniability. We are a nation of sheep being lead by sensationalist who do not have your best interest in mind. Only YOU have your best interest in mind. If you take the time to do your research you may find that your beliefs are not actually republican ideals, but you may in actuality be a libertarian. Or if you are a democrat you may discover you are really more of a Progressive or Social democrat. You have more than two options. You don’t have to decide between fox news and MSNBC. You don’t have to be all or nothing. This political duality is forcing the public to believe that one side is right while the other is wrong, and that there is no gray area in-between. But there is. It’s not all or nothing and you don’t have to let someone else dictate your decisions. Having different opinions doesn’t make either of us wrong so long as we can have a civil educated discussion. Today our political arena’s weapons are hyperbole, name calling, fear mongering, and lies. No decision can or should be made with these devices as evidence. We the public are responsible for allowing this to happen and the only way we can remove this crap from the political arena by educating ourselves. Listen to arguments from all sides. Read source material as well as second hand interpretations. Talk to people with different viewpoints and actually listen to what they have to say. Take your education into your own hands.

Friday, September 4, 2009

World Population



In the last few days I’ve noticed a number of articles from around the world discussing population in various ways. State side proud Arkansas Dugger family has just welcomed their 19th child into the world. Internationally the BBC world news reported that the global population should reach about 8 Billion by 2020. Population is a touchy subject and the Duggers seem to have riled a few feathers. Is it wrong to have that many children? Many would say that so long as the children are taken care of there is nothing wrong with it, but while that seems fair on
the surface it sets a poor precedent.
The Dugger Family

The world population is set to increase by nearly 20% in the next 10 years. Ironically the population’s boom is happening mostly in Africa and other third world nations. These nations currently do not have the means to support their populations without help from outside aid. The people having children are more often than naught poor and uneducated. It is interesting to note that while the world population is rising most of the industrialized nations are experiencing a decline in growth, and some even a shrinkage. Many European countries are having less and less children. It is a common trend that the more educated a nation the lower the average birth rate. With education wealth usually accompanies that as well. So the smartest and the richest people in the world are the ones having the fewest children.

Often poverty is a result of not being educated. And the uneducated are more likely to: not be informed about proper safe sex techniques, have sex more often because sex is a cheap form of entertainment. If you put a bunch of people in a room with nothing to do for long enough they will find a way to entertain themselves and sex is one of the easiest and most gratifying. Poorer countries have more sex and use less prevention leading to high rates of STDs as well is a high birth rate.

Well educated wealthier individuals find other things to keep them preoccupied with so they have sex less often, but when they do they are far more likely to take safety measures. All this makes for less STDs and a lower birth rate.

Ok so what? A bunch of babies are born in Africa, the world has the ability to supply the necessary resources to keep them alive. But I ask at what quality of life? The majority of the population of the world is hanging on by a thin thread. If we elevated them up to even half the standard of living we enjoy in the United States the world would be devoid of natural resources in a short period of time.

Now I know that I will be hated for this next comment, but I think to a certain degree Darwin needs to take his course. The reason poor impoverished people have more babies is to increase the likelihood that some will survive. And the reason more well off families have fewer children is because the likelihood that they will die is slim. This can be seen all throughout nature. By giving so much aid to these nations that have a population so great that they could never be able to sustain themselves without assistance is just delaying the inevitable. We are building a population bubble that will eventually have to burst. If Africa can only produce enough food to feed 1 billion people we shouldn’t be allowing their population to balloon to 3 billion by supplying them with aid. What happens if in just one year there is a food shortage? Starvation will be rampant. Billions will die. More will die in a year than if we just kept our numbers at a sustainable level. Is it fair to those who are not yet born to doom them to starvation?

What people don’t often see in this equation is the reason why our populations are always being pushed to grow. Simply put its pure economics.

1) The more people there are the more money there is to be made because there are more consumers.

2) Older individuals require more resources to take care of. Insurance companies, SS, Medicare and any other risk spreading programs work on the basic principle that population will continue to grow so that there will always be more young/healthy people than older in order to foot the bill.

In Eastern Europe many countries are having to dole out tax cuts to incentives people to have children, because in a few short years their social programs will not be able to sustain themselves. There will be more old people than young.

So what can we do? We need to always have more young healthy people than old, yet we don’t want so many people that we eventually set ourselves up for a mass rationing of resources that causes a huge chunk of the population to starve and die. What we need is to promote a sustainable population. If the same number of children were born every year the population would slowly come to a level. Since there are always some people who don’t make it to old age there would always be a higher number of young and healthy individuals to support the older. How do we accomplish this?

1) Support marital unions and a culture of monogamy.

- Marriage and monogamous relationships are more likely to have healthier and better educated children.

2) Educate the public on safe sex practices.

- Abstinence only education is almost as bad as no education. This is the most practical and reasonable way to stop unwanted pregnancy, the spread of disease.

3) Adopt

- There are millions of children out there with families. Take these children in gives them a better chance of being a productive member of society, and lowers the population by reducing the need to have babies.

4) Support Roe VS Wade.

- This shouldn’t be an issue if education was up to standards as abortion is most often a result of not being educated on safe sex practices.

Some more radical ways that may be necessary if we don’t act soon.

5) Limit the number of children a family can have to 2.

- If every woman was limited to 2 children the world’s population would slowly decrease.

6) Discontinue supplying foreign aid to nations that cannot sustain their population on their own.

- This would cause a large number of people to starve, but in the end would allow for a sustainable population to be built. In the end it would save billions from suffering instead of millions.

Our growing population is the root of all of our problems. Our growing need for energy, food, space, and resources can all be traced back to our growing population. If we don’t start to make some serious choices we are going to face some serious consequences. You think its hard to say no to 3 children try saying no to 10, then 20. I’ll be way worse later, but I guess that is something someone in the future will have to worry about. Not us. Not me.


Amendment - This article was used to site a contradiction between my belief in national health care and my somewhat Darwinistic utilitarian beliefs displayed in the above article. I would like to address this. If one takes the time to really consider the arguement you can see they are not related. First off health care in our country is not in short supply. We have the means to supply everyone with healthcare, but you method of delivery is defunked. We have the ability to be completely self sustaining if we would manage our resources properly. Currently we have a unsustainable system that needs to be put down. I would advocate that healthcare reform is pushing us towards sustainability which is ultimately what my point for population control.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Imagination Lost?

So a little while ago I went to watch Pixar’s new movie “UP”.
It was a great movie and I completely recommend seeing it, but alas this is not a review of the movie. After watching the film I had a realization. During “UP” there are a number of events and scenes that are beyond the scope of reality. The movie jumps very blatantly into fantasy at points. While the movie is obviously fantasy, the story is set in a semi real world. Yes, a house floating with balloons is not possible, but it felt natural in the world of the film, but a pack of dogs flying airplanes is a little to unrealistic to believe. I’m not criticizing the dogs. The dogs flying airplanes worked within the story. I accepted them without a thought, but only after did I realize that as an adult my mind wouldn’t jump to the option of having dogs flying fighter planes.

As a child you are so new to the world that you are not sure how things actually work. Anything is possible because you don’t know what isn’t possible. The idea of what is possible and impossible or what exists and what doesn’t hasn’t sunk in yet. Kids spout off crazy stories of Dogs flying planes and rocks in the center of the earth that can cure aids that we as adults would have a hard time coming up with because our minds our so rooted in the realm of reality that we limit ourselves. Most of us tend to think logically, and our thoughts conform to our understanding of the world and how it works. Our departures into fantasy are weak at best compared to a child’s, and even when we do venture off into a fantasy land we have to justify these departures from the reality. We are not able to just blindly accept that people have magic powers. We’ll see someone flying and then ask ourselves “well how can they fly, do they have magic powers, is this a mutation in their DNA, did God grant them a gift…” Science Fiction is the most shining example. It’s fantasy that is logically justified. It is difficult for adults to blindly accept departures from reality, while a child wouldn’t give it a passing thought.


Are our imaginations slowly being stunted as we learned more about the world we live in. Are we incapable of thinking as freely as a child unrestricted by the bonds of reality and previous experiences, or does our understanding of the world work as restriction that in the end foster creativity?

Monday, June 15, 2009

THE AMERICAN UNDERSTANDING OF WAR

America hasn’t had a war fought on her soil since 1865. Our homes and cities haven’t been destroyed by attack and our people haven’t been subject to the perils of being occupied by an enemy force. We are one of the few nations in the world fortunate enough to have been able to experience such peace. But because of this peace we as a nation have been slowly becoming more apathetic to war, and the suffering of the world.

There has been only a small percentage of the US population that has truly felt the burden of war. Those who lost friends/relatives in the military and or the 9/11 attacks. I personally haven’t been affected by either. In fact I remember thinking in the days after the 9/11 attacks how little my life had changed. Then again in 2003 when we went into Iraq I remember thinking “everything is gonna change”, but it didn’t. My life went on pretty much the same way it would have regardless of the war. I still think Iraq has affected only a small percentage of the US population. There have been around 4,500 casualties, and 55,000 wounded. That means even if 100 people were affected for every injured or killed soldier that would still only be 16% of the population affected. The other 84% of the population’s lives haven’t been drastically altered in any way.

To most Americans war is an abstract concept. We understand what it is and that people die, but for some reason it’s not completely real to us. The suffering that happens just seems like a story that we’re watching but not experiencing. We as a nation seem so much more willing to sign off on fighting instead of diplomacy because we as a populous don’t truly understand what is actually happening. Only a 20% of us have actually felt the cost of war.

In WWII Germany saw 7 million of its citizens died. The Soviet Union saw 23 million. All of Europe witnessed their cities crumble. But America only witnessed this devastation through news reels and in the eyes of its returning soldiers. The country as a whole was relatively unscathed. The Vietnam and Korean wars were much the same. American’s have forgotten what war and suffering looks like. Even though we think we know we don’t because it’s completely different when it’s on your door step. It’s more personal when you see it firsthand. When you can smell and taste it. With the exception of maybe New York we as a nation don’t understand suffering.

And what does all this do? Because the last few generations haven’t suffered we now take our freedom for granted. We have forgotten the fact that the rights and privileges that we enjoy were earned in blood. The first 100 years of our countries existence was spent fighting to preserve the freedom that we had won, and now most of the country doesn’t even vote. Most of my fellows Americans have never even read the document that guarantees their freedom, the Constitution. All this has built up to a nation of people who feel that they should automatically be entitled success and to be able to do whatever they want.

I’m not saying that we should be bombed or suffer like many other places have, but what I am saying is that we as a country should feel the consequences of our actions more often. We might be less apt to run off head long into combat if we all had to bear the burden of war more equally. During WWII our country rallied together and rationed their supplies in order to fight a war. Everyone was affected. During Vietnam the draft took men from all walks of life wither they wanted to fight or not. In either situation I don’t think that the current population would stand for these actions. The public would cry out for isolationism so long as it meant they could still get their morning latte.

Something needs to change. When US WEEKLY, PEREZ HILTON, and TMZ have more viewers than any major new publication there is a probblem. When Iran is in a state of riot over the results of its recent free election, and only 1 in 20 American's knows about it much less cares about it, there is a probblem.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Sex after 40


A saw this posted today on Craigslist. It was quickly removed, but I thought it was to amazing not to share. Girls remember this.

Dear: women of the world,
I'm so f'ing tired of women who complain about sex! First off, as a guy, we've so much pressure on us to perform it's unreal! Can I get a hard on? How long can I last? Can I make her orgasm SEVERAL times? Can I stay awake afterward? WTF! Do you women realize the enormous amount of work needed to have sex, much less sex after 40?!

Let's go back to our teen yrs WHEN I COULDN'T KEEP MY HANDS OFF OF YOU! Recall when I wanted to have sex in the stairway, at the bus stop, during gym under the bleachers, after school before your parents got home, in the parked car, & I even climbed through your window at night while your family was asleep?! & THAT WAS ALL IN 1 DAY! Hell, I could last for hours, shoot my load, & be ready to go again in 15 mins! But what did I hear from you, a young, demure, selfish, cock tease?! "No, wait till tomorrow.", "Let's just cuddle.", "The cat is watching.", & the classic "Is that all you think I'm good for"!

Well, the shoe's on the other foot now & guess what? I'm tired from sheer exhaustion of chasing your cock teasing ass for the last 25 yrs! Constantly leaving me w/ "blue balls" & "whacking off" because you want me to "respect you in the morning"! Well guess what years of cock abuse has done to my sex drive?


Yes, it's your fault I've no interest in sex! Not getting any & whacking off to porn for 25 yrs has desensitized my nerve endings to the point that I feel nothing from my navel to my knees! Fantasizing about every possible way of f'ing your brains out has distorted reality for me! You walking in w/ nothing on under a fur coat pales in comparison to me fantasizing about you rimming my ass while I do you best friend in front of 18 thousand fans at the Staples Center!



It's your fault for teasing away the most potent yrs of my life. You should've taken advantage of my erections from your cat jumping on my crotch when you had the chance, but no! You wanted to just cuddle WTF?

Now, in the height of your sex drive, you want ME to pin your legs behind your ears after a long day at work, & give it to your for more than 10 times a day?! PUH-LEASE! Nope! You see, now you'll suffer the same inglorious defeat I experienced many moons ago. So go get yourself a multi-speed, gyrating, flesh feeling, thingamabob, a handful of Peter North dvds, & come up with some creative ways to sneak around the house & have yourself a little "Par-tay"! Otherwise, be prepared to wine me, dine me, take me golfing, & stroke my little ego until I'M IN THE MOOD!


And don't give me that crap about getting some "young, dumb, & full of cum" kid. I'll divorce your ass so fast your fallopians will get twisted! And afterward, I'll get the chance to re-live those glory years with some young, nubile, tight bodied, coed looking for a sugar daddy! Even if it is once a month!

So, the next time you're thinking about making some smart ass remark like, "Mr. 5 min. man", just remember that 25yrs of neglect is the reason why Mr. Willie doesn't get excited 2 see your ass anymore!

Radical Tea Parties

I’ve been hearing an awful lot lately about people hating the recent bank bailouts. I just want to go on record right now and say I’m not pleased either, but I understand why they are needed. What people are falling to recognize is that over the last thirty years we as a nation have undergone so much deregulating and taken government out of the market that we have built our own grave. By allowing a very small amount of massive banks and corporations to become the backbone of our country we put all our eggs in one basket. These companies are struggling for one reason or another. Most due to bad choices, but these companies are still our backbone. If a company like GM goes under all of their subsidiaries goes under with it. Most people have no understanding of what GM actually owns. http://www.ge.com/products_services/index.html


A Local Los Angeles example is as follows: 2008 had the highest grossing films of all time. Yet the town as a whole suffers from layoffs and bankruptcies. Companies are hurting.
Not because of their own sales, but because their parent companies are hurting and the pain is passed down. GE is hurting in other areas so NBC UNIVERSAL feels the pinch.


These few companies are our economy. Why? Because we let it happen. We let the free market run unchecked and now all of America is owned by a few corporations What people so often forget is that when you allow a free market to run unchecked for a long enough period of time you will have fewer and fewer companies, and eventually you get Monopolies. Think about the game monopoly. As the game goes there are few and few players until there is only one player (company) that owns everything.


Worst part of all of this is if we would have stopped all of these buyouts and mergers in the first place we wouldn’t need to care so much about a few banks going under due to bad choices because there would be a hundred more right behind them doing fine. We have allowed to much centralization, and now is when we pay the price.

Some people are calling this communism, but its not. This is just what happens when you let the soulless free market run unchecked. Its ok to be angry, but don’t act surprised.


Secondly, why in gods name is the Republican Party allying themselves with these crazy tea party people. These people just scream ignorance. If this is their constituency base they need to find some new friends. Standing for Fiscal Conservatism is one thing, but this fox news radicalism is in no way good for the country.


Thursday, May 7, 2009

Career VS Life (an attempt at understanding happiness)

A long time ago my father told me there are two types of people in this world.
Those who live to work, and those who work to live. Originally I took this to mean those people who love their job and those people who hate their job, but over the years this observation has taken on new meaning.

My parents have always been work to live people. Their jobs are something they do to support their lifestyles. It’s not that they hate their jobs, on the contrary. They both find their jobs to be challenging, rewarding, and sometimes its even fun. But work in their eyes is a means to an end. You are not your job, you are not your possessions, and all that really matters in life is the relationships you build with people.

Then there are the people who’s jobs take up so much of their life it becomes their life. Their personal lives and professional lives blend and overlap so much that its hard to discern business from life.

Now it seems to me that the secret to a happy life is having pride in oneself or ones work. This is where the two beliefs overlap. The people who work to live typically have pride in the work they do in their personal lives. Be it raising their children, being a good husband/wife, or volunteering. The people who work to live find the same sort of pride but in their day to day jobs.

More often than not whatever you find the most pride/satisfaction in is what you care about the most, and work hardest at. This leads to a dilemma of sorts. I’ve noticed that the people who live to work often have personal lives that suffer immensely from this lack of attention. Likewise those who place their family above all else typically will not find themselves in positions at the head of industry, the government sector or artistic circles.

So this issues seems to ultimately breaks down to the choice of Career Vs Life. Now I’ve been told by many people all that matters in life is the personal relationships you’ve developed. And on your death bed you won’t care about how much money you made, but how well you lived. This would lead most people to assume that working to live is the path to a happier more fulfilling life. It seems that this is more likely the path to happiness, but that is not to say that some careers can't bring about that kind of contentment and sense of satisfaction.

I think people look back on their life hoping to see that they made some kind lasting mark on the world. To see that they left some sort of sign that they were there, and are proud of what that is as it is. Because it is not only a sign of what they’ve accomplished it's a sign of their existence. For most people this ends up being their children and friends (relationships). Children act as a sort of way of passing on their beliefs and genes, and in a way their children are their legacy. But a career can also be as fulfilling. People in religious professions often find incredible amounts of pride/fulfillment in their work. Social advocates also often look back on their life and see their work as more important than themselves or their families. Even some artists see their work as a means of bringing about a better world. These people find that their work has meaning and value beyond themselves. For work to live people their legacy is often the ideas and change they brought to the world. There is a common trend in all of these examples. What appears to bring about the most happiness and personal satisfaction is providing for others. The old adage of its better to give than to receive is true. Ultimately what people hope for on their death bed is to be able to look back on their life and see that they left the world in a better place then when they got there. That they gave back more than they took.
So I think a career can be as fulfilling as ones personal life, but it seems that there are only a handful of professions that ultimately allow for that. Any profession where making money is the chief reason for its being often leaves one feeling hollow. Money acts as a temporary fix but doesn’t provide indefinitely. Money's only purpose is to support something greater.
In the argument of Career VS Life one must realize that it isn't a choice of one or the other. Extremes at either end will lead you to rune. You can’t have a great personal life without having a professional life to prop it up financially much the same way one can’t have an amazing career without the emotional support of some sort of personal life to keep one mentally stable and sound. So the question of Career VS Life isn’t really accurate. It’s not about choosing one and leaving the other because that just isn’t possible. It’s about maintaining a balance. True happiness doesn’t lie at either end of the spectrum but some where in the middle.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Inner Stripper


I discovered something truly amazing a few weeks ago. The portable stripper pole.

This got me thinking…There was a bar in the town where I went to college called Floyds. Floyds had two brass stripper poles on either side of a stage and girls FLOCKED to these things. They were like NY pigeons descending upon a handful of cheerios tossed to the ground. What’s more though is the fact that they all tried to out dance each other using this pole. One girl tries something a little risky and then soon the next tops here and their competitive nature kicks in and before you know it you have a crowd of girls letting out their inner stripper.

Yes, all girls have an inner stripper. It’s not that girls want to be strippers; girls just want the kind of attention that strippers get now and then. They want men to look at them and want them. Why? Because it makes them feel good. Few girls want the stigma attached to being a stripper, but occasionally they all want that kind of attention. This is where the pole comes into play. They can be out at a club with friends and the pole just happens to be there, and they can dance on that pole all night free of any stripper stigmas.


Another example of inner stripper complex can be seen on Halloween. Ever girl you see on Halloween is usually dressed like a damn slut. Again, because it’s the one night a year where they can dress as promiscuously as they want, attract the attention they want without any negative stigmas being attached.

Below is a actual account of a Halloween party in Illinois this past year:

A coincidence of almost unbelievable proportions occurred this past weekend at the Halloween Bash, an advertised Halloween costume party at High Street Bar in Duquesne, Illinois, when every single woman in attendance independently dressed as a Slut. Not a single word of communication had transpired between any of the 80 or so women, who ranged from age 18 to 28, as to what costumes they planned to wear, making the fact that every single female in attendance came to High Street Bar dressed as a Slut. Even more remarkable. According to Dr. Joel Regal, Professor of Statistics at the University of Illinois, the odds of 100% of the women at a given Halloween party all dressing as a Slut is “actually, really high. The probability is basically 1.”


So what’s the point here… if you build it they will come.

The portable stripper pole is the best party invention since beer pong. Stop and think… You are at a great house party when you walk into the living room and there is a brass pole set up. Some dance music starts blaring. You look around to see ever girl eying that pole, wondering if they should. Finally, someone breaks the ice and just grabs a hold of the pole and casually dances. Soon there is a crowd, but some one decides to raise the bar and before you know it this pole has released a crowd of competitive strippers into your party. So girls I say let that stripper out. Halloween comes once a year so buy yourself a pole and do everyone a favor.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Emotional Time Capsule

This weekend I went up to the Northern California wine country with my parents to visit an old college friend of my dads. I initially expected to just have a relaxing trip and see northern California with a native guide, but I ended up seeing something much more special.
My Dad only sees or hears from his friend Dan once every year or so, and while they are both aware of the on goings of each others lives they don’t see the day to day changes. They haven’t witnessed first hand each other’s emotional growth and change that they both have had since college. My dad helped raise both me and my brother. He has had a few career changes and has moved 3 times. While underneath it all he is the same person he was in college he has matured with time like we all do. Dan now has 3 children one in college and 2 others that are young. He helps run a very successful business with his wife…
You know when you are great friends with some one when you see them after a long time and it doesn’t feel like you were ever apart. I think this is because when good friends get together after a long time they regress back to the way they were when they saw each other all the time. I’ve noticed this in myself and others before and my dad and Dan were no different. When the two of them got together it was like they immediately reverted back to the way they were in college. Their humor got a little more crass and their adventurous through caution to the wind nature returned in full force.
For example while in college my dad and his friend were big hunters, and while they are both big hunters today their tactics are slightly different. When they were younger if they saw something they wanted they just went and took it. Today they usually recognize and follow most federal and state laws. But while on this trip Dan spotted a group of Quail running down the street. My Dad and Dan leapt to go get a gun and proceeded to stalk them through the upper class suburban neighborhood of Santa Rosa.
The funny thing is while the two of them were concocting these crazy plans both of their wives were right there to be like “Oh no you are not” and “After you pick up the kids” and sometimes just plain “No”. What I was seeing is a side of my dad that I never really got to see before. I was witnessing his youth.

Not only was this just interesting to see but it gave me some incite into my father that I hadn’t had before. By watching him I could now more than ever clearly see where my sense of humor, outlook on life, and adventurous attitude came from. I am more like my father than I ever knew. I’ve known it for a while; this weekend helped reinforced the fact that my father is not only my parent, but one of my best friends.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Astronomy and the Meaning of Life


This past weekend my mom called me. We talked about the weather and what not and then she brought up my grandfather. My Grandfather has been suffering from Alzheimer’s for the last eight years and is at the point where he doesn’t really remember anyone. I haven’t seen him in two years, and in a way he is already dead. This started me thinking, Not so much about death or Alzheimer’s but my grandfather’s legacy.
I will remember him, but in a hundred years he will be lost to history. This eventually ballooned out to me thinking about the meaning of life. For me whenever I start to have problems in my life or I am suddenly aware of my own mortality I think about astronomy. I start to think about how small and insignificant my life is in the grand schema of the universe. There are an infinite number of planets and solar systems in this reality that we know, and my life isn’t even a drop in the bucket. My life isn’t even a drop in a ocean. My life isn’t even a molecule of a drop in an ocean. The universe was here before me and it’ll be here after me, and there is nothing I or anyone else can do to change that. We as humans all seek immortality in some form. Be it through our works, or our actions. We all want to go down in history for something. No one wants to die unremembered.
Everyone wants to leave their mark. For most people children are their way of passing down both their genes and their morals, but even that ultimately means nothing. All of human history has been insignificant to the universe. This could come off sounding nihilistic, but I find it liberating. It’s liberating to know that at the end of the day all that really matters is that you enjoy your life. Not what you accomplished or the legacy you leave behind, cause ultimately nothing. This is not to be taken as an excuse to go do whatever you want. Selfishness more often than naught leads to a shallow hollow life, while selfless actions tend to be far more satisfying. The point of this is that we all need to stop worrying, stop hating, and stop fighting. You can’t change anything. Just live your life to the best of your ability and help others do the same. Whatever happens happens.
“So the next time when you're feeling very small and insecure, just remember how amazingly unlikely is your birth”- Monty Python

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Ugly Uggs


Since the early 2000s uggs have slowly somehow worked their way into being considered fashionable. Then in 2008 the unforeseeable occurred. Ugg boots suddenly became popular / fashionable for men as well. WHAT THE FUCK! Has the world gone blind!? Ugg boots are fucking UGG-LY.

These things are ugly, and girls I think you would be hard pressed to find a guy who honestly thinks they’re cute. If you ask a guy “Do you think these boots look good on me” and he replies “Yes”. He just wants to park his little red truck in your little pink garage. Done and done. Man logic 101: If you want to or are sleeping with a girl always tell the girl she looks good, even when she doesn’t.


For those who didn’t know Ugg Boots originated in Austrlia, but Sheepskin boots have been popular in Antarctica and China, with people in rural occupations, such as sheep shearers, who have ready access to the raw materials. They are traditionally used for skiing, but their popularity increased as a result of WWI and WWII, where they were popular with aviators, because of their need to keep warm in non-pressurized planes at high altitudes. So I ask, when has fashion ever followed in the footsteps of a rural third world countries lower working class?


Ok ok I know there is someone chomping at the bit to say (winy voice) “but they keep my feet warm, and they are comfortable.” Alright then, wear them at home. Everyone has at one point in their life owned an embarrassingly ugly set of house slippers. These will fit right in with your Hello Kitty slippers and your moccasins you got right after Pocahontas came out. Oh by the way, Crocks are comfy too, but no one seems to have a problem chastising the people who wear them. Anyway, I will admit there are a few instances where they can be worn in public without any shame.

  1. You don’t care what you look like. Going out in sweats and some uggs to get a the mail is completely acceptable.
  2. It is legitimately cold out. By the way cold is described as below freezing so 32 F or 0 C. We all make fashion sacrifices to stay warm in the winter months and these shoes can be overlooked as a necessity. Much like the sherpas of Nepal. No one gives them shit for wearing Uggs because they need them.
  3. You are retarded. No one makes fun of retarded people’s fashion
  4. You are really really ugly. There is a certain level of ugly that no amount of makeup or fashion can cover so you might as well be comfortable.
5. You are old, and you don’t care what you look like anymore. Case and Point.


I just want all of you woman out there to look at yourselves. If you are walking about in your uggs and a mini skirt / T-shirt on you are a walking contradiction. Your feet say cold but the rest of you says nice day! I realize the first thing you see is nice legs, but as soon as I see those uggs its over with. The illusion is done.



Uggs have also become almost like a status symbol. Much like a designer hand bag, Uggs mean something just because they are Uggs. When I see a girl wearing Uggs the first thing that comes to my head is “ High maintenance”, and this has proven to be a fairly correct stereotype.


I know that some people might say that if a girl is really hot enough or influential enough she can wear whatever she wants, but I say no. Celebrities set the standard for fashion and beauty, and they have a responsibility to not lead the general population astray. When celebrities make poor fashion choices the world makes poor fashion choices. That’s how this whole mess got started and now we have a population of woman not attractive enough to ignore their Uggs wondering our great nation. So who is to blame….


OPRAH. In 2000 Oprah decided that she loved her boots so much that she bought 350 pairs. One for each member of her staff. In 2005 she featured them in her show “Oprah's Favourite Things”, and where Oprah goes every woman will follow. Damn you Oprah…. Damn you to hell…



PLEASE STOP WEARING UGGS. We all know that Oprah works for the terrorists and and you wouldn't want to support the terrorists... Stop wearing these ugly ugly shoes out in public and if you can’t stop yourself at least don’t buy them for your children. Let this trend die with our generation….