Saturday, April 4, 2009

Ugly Uggs

Since the early 2000s uggs have slowly somehow worked their way into being considered fashionable. Then in 2008 the unforeseeable occurred. Ugg boots suddenly became popular / fashionable for men as well. WHAT THE FUCK! Has the world gone blind!? Ugg boots are fucking UGG-LY.

These things are ugly, and girls I think you would be hard pressed to find a guy who honestly thinks they’re cute. If you ask a guy “Do you think these boots look good on me” and he replies “Yes”. He just wants to park his little red truck in your little pink garage. Done and done. Man logic 101: If you want to or are sleeping with a girl always tell the girl she looks good, even when she doesn’t.

For those who didn’t know Ugg Boots originated in Austrlia, but Sheepskin boots have been popular in Antarctica and China, with people in rural occupations, such as sheep shearers, who have ready access to the raw materials. They are traditionally used for skiing, but their popularity increased as a result of WWI and WWII, where they were popular with aviators, because of their need to keep warm in non-pressurized planes at high altitudes. So I ask, when has fashion ever followed in the footsteps of a rural third world countries lower working class?

Ok ok I know there is someone chomping at the bit to say (winy voice) “but they keep my feet warm, and they are comfortable.” Alright then, wear them at home. Everyone has at one point in their life owned an embarrassingly ugly set of house slippers. These will fit right in with your Hello Kitty slippers and your moccasins you got right after Pocahontas came out. Oh by the way, Crocks are comfy too, but no one seems to have a problem chastising the people who wear them. Anyway, I will admit there are a few instances where they can be worn in public without any shame.

  1. You don’t care what you look like. Going out in sweats and some uggs to get a the mail is completely acceptable.
  2. It is legitimately cold out. By the way cold is described as below freezing so 32 F or 0 C. We all make fashion sacrifices to stay warm in the winter months and these shoes can be overlooked as a necessity. Much like the sherpas of Nepal. No one gives them shit for wearing Uggs because they need them.
  3. You are retarded. No one makes fun of retarded people’s fashion
  4. You are really really ugly. There is a certain level of ugly that no amount of makeup or fashion can cover so you might as well be comfortable.
5. You are old, and you don’t care what you look like anymore. Case and Point.

I just want all of you woman out there to look at yourselves. If you are walking about in your uggs and a mini skirt / T-shirt on you are a walking contradiction. Your feet say cold but the rest of you says nice day! I realize the first thing you see is nice legs, but as soon as I see those uggs its over with. The illusion is done.

Uggs have also become almost like a status symbol. Much like a designer hand bag, Uggs mean something just because they are Uggs. When I see a girl wearing Uggs the first thing that comes to my head is “ High maintenance”, and this has proven to be a fairly correct stereotype.

I know that some people might say that if a girl is really hot enough or influential enough she can wear whatever she wants, but I say no. Celebrities set the standard for fashion and beauty, and they have a responsibility to not lead the general population astray. When celebrities make poor fashion choices the world makes poor fashion choices. That’s how this whole mess got started and now we have a population of woman not attractive enough to ignore their Uggs wondering our great nation. So who is to blame….

OPRAH. In 2000 Oprah decided that she loved her boots so much that she bought 350 pairs. One for each member of her staff. In 2005 she featured them in her show “Oprah's Favourite Things”, and where Oprah goes every woman will follow. Damn you Oprah…. Damn you to hell…

PLEASE STOP WEARING UGGS. We all know that Oprah works for the terrorists and and you wouldn't want to support the terrorists... Stop wearing these ugly ugly shoes out in public and if you can’t stop yourself at least don’t buy them for your children. Let this trend die with our generation….


  1. give me Uggs, or give me death!
    -Patrick Henry, if he were alive today.

  2. I refuse to post a real comment on this one.