Sex after 40

A saw this posted today on Craigslist. It was quickly removed, but I thought it was to amazing not to share. Girls remember this.

Dear: women of the world,
I'm so f'ing tired of women who complain about sex! First off, as a guy, we've so much pressure on us to perform it's unreal! Can I get a hard on? How long can I last? Can I make her orgasm SEVERAL times? Can I stay awake afterward? WTF! Do you women realize the enormous amount of work needed to have sex, much less sex after 40?!

Let's go back to our teen yrs WHEN I COULDN'T KEEP MY HANDS OFF OF YOU! Recall when I wanted to have sex in the stairway, at the bus stop, during gym under the bleachers, after school before your parents got home, in the parked car, & I even climbed through your window at night while your family was asleep?! & THAT WAS ALL IN 1 DAY! Hell, I could last for hours, shoot my load, & be ready to go again in 15 mins! But what did I hear from you, a young, demure, selfish, cock tease?! "No, wait till tomorrow.", "Let's just cuddle.", "The cat is watching.", & the classic "Is that all you think I'm good for"!

Well, the shoe's on the other foot now & guess what? I'm tired from sheer exhaustion of chasing your cock teasing ass for the last 25 yrs! Constantly leaving me w/ "blue balls" & "whacking off" because you want me to "respect you in the morning"! Well guess what years of cock abuse has done to my sex drive?


Yes, it's your fault I've no interest in sex! Not getting any & whacking off to porn for 25 yrs has desensitized my nerve endings to the point that I feel nothing from my navel to my knees! Fantasizing about every possible way of f'ing your brains out has distorted reality for me! You walking in w/ nothing on under a fur coat pales in comparison to me fantasizing about you rimming my ass while I do you best friend in front of 18 thousand fans at the Staples Center!



It's your fault for teasing away the most potent yrs of my life. You should've taken advantage of my erections from your cat jumping on my crotch when you had the chance, but no! You wanted to just cuddle WTF?

Now, in the height of your sex drive, you want ME to pin your legs behind your ears after a long day at work, & give it to your for more than 10 times a day?! PUH-LEASE! Nope! You see, now you'll suffer the same inglorious defeat I experienced many moons ago. So go get yourself a multi-speed, gyrating, flesh feeling, thingamabob, a handful of Peter North dvds, & come up with some creative ways to sneak around the house & have yourself a little "Par-tay"! Otherwise, be prepared to wine me, dine me, take me golfing, & stroke my little ego until I'M IN THE MOOD!


And don't give me that crap about getting some "young, dumb, & full of cum" kid. I'll divorce your ass so fast your fallopians will get twisted! And afterward, I'll get the chance to re-live those glory years with some young, nubile, tight bodied, coed looking for a sugar daddy! Even if it is once a month!

So, the next time you're thinking about making some smart ass remark like, "Mr. 5 min. man", just remember that 25yrs of neglect is the reason why Mr. Willie doesn't get excited 2 see your ass anymore!

Radical Tea Parties

I’ve been hearing an awful lot lately about people hating the recent bank bailouts. I just want to go on record right now and say I’m not pleased either, but I understand why they are needed. What people are falling to recognize is that over the last thirty years we as a nation have undergone so much deregulating and taken government out of the market that we have built our own grave. By allowing a very small amount of massive banks and corporations to become the backbone of our country we put all our eggs in one basket. These companies are struggling for one reason or another. Most due to bad choices, but these companies are still our backbone. If a company like GM goes under all of their subsidiaries goes under with it. Most people have no understanding of what GM actually owns. http://www.ge.com/products_services/index.html

A Local Los Angeles example is as follows: 2008 had the highest grossing films of all time. Yet the town as a whole suffers from layoffs and bankruptcies. Companies are hurting. Not because of their own sales, but because their parent companies are hurting and the pain is passed down. GE is hurting in other areas so NBC UNIVERSAL feels the pinch.

These few companies are our economy. Why? Because we let it happen. We let the free market run unchecked and now all of America is owned by a few corporations What people so often forget is that when you allow a free market to run unchecked for a long enough period of time you will have fewer and fewer companies, and eventually you get Monopolies. Think about the game monopoly. As the game goes there are few and few players until there is only one player (company) that owns everything.

Worst part of all of this is if we would have stopped all of these buyouts and mergers in the first place we wouldn’t need to care so much about a few banks going under due to bad choices because there would be a hundred more right behind them doing fine. We have allowed to much centralization, and now is when we pay the price.

Some people are calling this communism, but its not. This is just what happens when you let the soulless free market run unchecked. Its ok to be angry, but don’t act surprised.

Secondly, why in gods name is the Republican Party allying themselves with these crazy tea party people. These people just scream ignorance. If this is their constituency base they need to find some new friends. Standing for Fiscal Conservatism is one thing, but this fox news radicalism is in no way good for the country.

Career VS Life (an attempt at understanding happiness)

A long time ago my father told me there are two types of people in this world.
Those who live to work, and those who work to live. Originally I took this to mean those people who love their job and those people who hate their job, but over the years this observation has taken on new meaning.

My parents have always been work to live people. Their jobs are something they do to support their lifestyles. It’s not that they hate their jobs, on the contrary. They both find their jobs to be challenging, rewarding, and sometimes its even fun. But work in their eyes is a means to an end. You are not your job, you are not your possessions, and all that really matters in life is the relationships you build with people.

Then there are the people who’s jobs take up so much of their life it becomes their life. Their personal lives and professional lives blend and overlap so much that its hard to discern business from life.

Now it seems to me that the secret to a happy life is having pride in oneself or ones work. This is where the two beliefs overlap. The people who work to live typically have pride in the work they do in their personal lives. Be it raising their children, being a good husband/wife, or volunteering. The people who work to live find the same sort of pride but in their day to day jobs.

More often than not whatever you find the most pride/satisfaction in is what you care about the most, and work hardest at. This leads to a dilemma of sorts. I’ve noticed that the people who live to work often have personal lives that suffer immensely from this lack of attention. Likewise those who place their family above all else typically will not find themselves in positions at the head of industry, the government sector or artistic circles.

So this issues seems to ultimately breaks down to the choice of Career Vs Life. Now I’ve been told by many people all that matters in life is the personal relationships you’ve developed. And on your death bed you won’t care about how much money you made, but how well you lived. This would lead most people to assume that working to live is the path to a happier more fulfilling life. It seems that this is more likely the path to happiness, but that is not to say that some careers can't bring about that kind of contentment and sense of satisfaction.

I think people look back on their life hoping to see that they made some kind lasting mark on the world. To see that they left some sort of sign that they were there, and are proud of what that is as it is. Because it is not only a sign of what they’ve accomplished it's a sign of their existence. For most people this ends up being their children and friends (relationships). Children act as a sort of way of passing on their beliefs and genes, and in a way their children are their legacy. But a career can also be as fulfilling. People in religious professions often find incredible amounts of pride/fulfillment in their work. Social advocates also often look back on their life and see their work as more important than themselves or their families. Even some artists see their work as a means of bringing about a better world. These people find that their work has meaning and value beyond themselves. For work to live people their legacy is often the ideas and change they brought to the world. There is a common trend in all of these examples. What appears to bring about the most happiness and personal satisfaction is providing for others. The old adage of its better to give than to receive is true. Ultimately what people hope for on their death bed is to be able to look back on their life and see that they left the world in a better place then when they got there. That they gave back more than they took.
So I think a career can be as fulfilling as ones personal life, but it seems that there are only a handful of professions that ultimately allow for that. Any profession where making money is the chief reason for its being often leaves one feeling hollow. Money acts as a temporary fix but doesn’t provide indefinitely. Money's only purpose is to support something greater.
In the argument of Career VS Life one must realize that it isn't a choice of one or the other. Extremes at either end will lead you to rune. You can’t have a great personal life without having a professional life to prop it up financially much the same way one can’t have an amazing career without the emotional support of some sort of personal life to keep one mentally stable and sound. So the question of Career VS Life isn’t really accurate. It’s not about choosing one and leaving the other because that just isn’t possible. It’s about maintaining a balance. True happiness doesn’t lie at either end of the spectrum but some where in the middle.

Inner Stripper

I discovered something truly amazing a few weeks ago. The portable stripper pole.

This got me thinking…There was a bar in the town where I went to college called Floyds. Floyds had two brass stripper poles on either side of a stage and girls FLOCKED to these things. They were like NY pigeons descending upon a handful of cheerios tossed to the ground. What’s more though is the fact that they all tried to out dance each other using this pole. One girl tries something a little risky and then soon the next tops here and their competitive nature kicks in and before you know it you have a crowd of girls letting out their inner stripper.

Yes, all girls have an inner stripper. It’s not that girls want to be strippers; girls just want the kind of attention that strippers get now and then. They want men to look at them and want them. Why? Because it makes them feel good. Few girls want the stigma attached to being a stripper, but occasionally they all want that kind of attention. This is where the pole comes into play. They can be out at a club with friends and the pole just happens to be there, and they can dance on that pole all night free of any stripper stigmas.

Another example of inner stripper complex can be seen on Halloween. Ever girl you see on Halloween is usually dressed like a damn slut. Again, because it’s the one night a year where they can dress as promiscuously as they want, attract the attention they want without any negative stigmas being attached.

Below is a actual account of a Halloween party in Illinois this past year:

A coincidence of almost unbelievable proportions occurred this past weekend at the Halloween Bash, an advertised Halloween costume party at High Street Bar in Duquesne, Illinois, when every single woman in attendance independently dressed as a Slut. Not a single word of communication had transpired between any of the 80 or so women, who ranged from age 18 to 28, as to what costumes they planned to wear, making the fact that every single female in attendance came to High Street Bar dressed as a Slut. Even more remarkable. According to Dr. Joel Regal, Professor of Statistics at the University of Illinois, the odds of 100% of the women at a given Halloween party all dressing as a Slut is “actually, really high. The probability is basically 1.”

So what’s the point here… if you build it they will come.

The portable stripper pole is the best party invention since beer pong. Stop and think… You are at a great house party when you walk into the living room and there is a brass pole set up. Some dance music starts blaring. You look around to see ever girl eying that pole, wondering if they should. Finally, someone breaks the ice and just grabs a hold of the pole and casually dances. Soon there is a crowd, but some one decides to raise the bar and before you know it this pole has released a crowd of competitive strippers into your party. So girls I say let that stripper out. Halloween comes once a year so buy yourself a pole and do everyone a favor.

Emotional Time Capsule

This weekend I went up to the Northern California wine country with my parents to visit an old college friend of my dads. I initially expected to just have a relaxing trip and see northern California with a native guide, but I ended up seeing something much more special.
My Dad only sees or hears from his friend Dan once every year or so, and while they are both aware of the on goings of each others lives they don’t see the day to day changes. They haven’t witnessed first hand each other’s emotional growth and change that they both have had since college. My dad helped raise both me and my brother. He has had a few career changes and has moved 3 times. While underneath it all he is the same person he was in college he has matured with time like we all do. Dan now has 3 children one in college and 2 others that are young. He helps run a very successful business with his wife…
You know when you are great friends with some one when you see them after a long time and it doesn’t feel like you were ever apart. I think this is because when good friends get together after a long time they regress back to the way they were when they saw each other all the time. I’ve noticed this in myself and others before and my dad and Dan were no different. When the two of them got together it was like they immediately reverted back to the way they were in college. Their humor got a little more crass and their adventurous through caution to the wind nature returned in full force.
For example while in college my dad and his friend were big hunters, and while they are both big hunters today their tactics are slightly different. When they were younger if they saw something they wanted they just went and took it. Today they usually recognize and follow most federal and state laws. But while on this trip Dan spotted a group of Quail running down the street. My Dad and Dan leapt to go get a gun and proceeded to stalk them through the upper class suburban neighborhood of Santa Rosa.
The funny thing is while the two of them were concocting these crazy plans both of their wives were right there to be like “Oh no you are not” and “After you pick up the kids” and sometimes just plain “No”. What I was seeing is a side of my dad that I never really got to see before. I was witnessing his youth.

Not only was this just interesting to see but it gave me some incite into my father that I hadn’t had before. By watching him I could now more than ever clearly see where my sense of humor, outlook on life, and adventurous attitude came from. I am more like my father than I ever knew. I’ve known it for a while; this weekend helped reinforced the fact that my father is not only my parent, but one of my best friends.

Astronomy and the Meaning of Life

This past weekend my mom called me. We talked about the weather and what not and then she brought up my grandfather. My Grandfather has been suffering from Alzheimer’s for the last eight years and is at the point where he doesn’t really remember anyone. I haven’t seen him in two years, and in a way he is already dead. This started me thinking, Not so much about death or Alzheimer’s but my grandfather’s legacy.
I will remember him, but in a hundred years he will be lost to history. This eventually ballooned out to me thinking about the meaning of life. For me whenever I start to have problems in my life or I am suddenly aware of my own mortality I think about astronomy. I start to think about how small and insignificant my life is in the grand schema of the universe. There are an infinite number of planets and solar systems in this reality that we know, and my life isn’t even a drop in the bucket. My life isn’t even a drop in a ocean. My life isn’t even a molecule of a drop in an ocean. The universe was here before me and it’ll be here after me, and there is nothing I or anyone else can do to change that. We as humans all seek immortality in some form. Be it through our works, or our actions. We all want to go down in history for something. No one wants to die unremembered.
Everyone wants to leave their mark. For most people children are their way of passing down both their genes and their morals, but even that ultimately means nothing. All of human history has been insignificant to the universe. This could come off sounding nihilistic, but I find it liberating. It’s liberating to know that at the end of the day all that really matters is that you enjoy your life. Not what you accomplished or the legacy you leave behind, cause ultimately nothing. This is not to be taken as an excuse to go do whatever you want. Selfishness more often than naught leads to a shallow hollow life, while selfless actions tend to be far more satisfying. The point of this is that we all need to stop worrying, stop hating, and stop fighting. You can’t change anything. Just live your life to the best of your ability and help others do the same. Whatever happens happens.
“So the next time when you're feeling very small and insecure, just remember how amazingly unlikely is your birth”- Monty Python

Ugly Uggs

Since the early 2000s uggs have slowly somehow worked their way into being considered fashionable. Then in 2008 the unforeseeable occurred. Ugg boots suddenly became popular / fashionable for men as well. WHAT THE FUCK! Has the world gone blind!? Ugg boots are fucking UGG-LY.

These things are ugly, and girls I think you would be hard pressed to find a guy who honestly thinks they’re cute. If you ask a guy “Do you think these boots look good on me” and he replies “Yes”. He just wants to park his little red truck in your little pink garage. Done and done. Man logic 101: If you want to or are sleeping with a girl always tell the girl she looks good, even when she doesn’t.

For those who didn’t know Ugg Boots originated in Austrlia, but Sheepskin boots have been popular in Antarctica and China, with people in rural occupations, such as sheep shearers, who have ready access to the raw materials. They are traditionally used for skiing, but their popularity increased as a result of WWI and WWII, where they were popular with aviators, because of their need to keep warm in non-pressurized planes at high altitudes. So I ask, when has fashion ever followed in the footsteps of a rural third world countries lower working class?

Ok ok I know there is someone chomping at the bit to say (winy voice) “but they keep my feet warm, and they are comfortable.” Alright then, wear them at home. Everyone has at one point in their life owned an embarrassingly ugly set of house slippers. These will fit right in with your Hello Kitty slippers and your moccasins you got right after Pocahontas came out. Oh by the way, Crocks are comfy too, but no one seems to have a problem chastising the people who wear them. Anyway, I will admit there are a few instances where they can be worn in public without any shame.

1. You don’t care what you look like. Going out in sweats and some uggs to get a the mail is completely acceptable.
2. It is legitimately cold out. By the way cold is described as below freezing so 32 F or 0 C. We all make fashion sacrifices to stay warm in the winter months and these shoes can be overlooked as a necessity. Much like the sherpas of Nepal. No one gives them shit for wearing Uggs because they need them.
3. You are retarded. No one makes fun of retarded people’s fashion
4. You are really really ugly. There is a certain level of ugly that no amount of makeup or fashion can cover so you might as well be comfortable.

5. You are old, and you don’t care what you look like anymore. Case and Point.

I just want all of you woman out there to look at yourselves. If you are walking about in your uggs and a mini skirt / T-shirt on you are a walking contradiction. Your feet say cold but the rest of you says nice day! I realize the first thing you see is nice legs, but as soon as I see those uggs its over with. The illusion is done.

Uggs have also become almost like a status symbol. Much like a designer hand bag, Uggs mean something just because they are Uggs. When I see a girl wearing Uggs the first thing that comes to my head is “ High maintenance”, and this has proven to be a fairly correct stereotype.

I know that some people might say that if a girl is really hot enough or influential enough she can wear whatever she wants, but I say no. Celebrities set the standard for fashion and beauty, and they have a responsibility to not lead the general population astray. When celebrities make poor fashion choices the world makes poor fashion choices. That’s how this whole mess got started and now we have a population of woman not attractive enough to ignore their Uggs wondering our great nation. So who is to blame….

OPRAH. In 2000 Oprah decided that she loved her boots so much that she bought 350 pairs. One for each member of her staff. In 2005 she featured them in her show “Oprah's Favourite Things”, and where Oprah goes every woman will follow. Damn you Oprah…. Damn you to hell…

PLEASE STOP WEARING UGGS. We all know that Oprah works for the terrorists and and you wouldn't want to support the terrorists... Stop wearing these ugly ugly shoes out in public and if you can’t stop yourself at least don’t buy them for your children. Let this trend die with our generation….